Dad what was it like before the internet?

Wonderful, son. Wonderful.

You know how male ducks have giant corkscrew dongs they use for the terrifying sex they have with female ducks and their labyrinthine birth canals?

Sure.

That used to be obscure knowledge! Trivia questions were about basic chemistry and TV and stuff. Now every horrible animal fact is working knowledge and there’s no way to undo it!

Did you know there’s a species of fruit fly with 6 centimeter long sperm?

Of course I do! Everyone does! This is hell!

Quack quack!