Look at this rock. Is it a dog?

I… no.

Wrong. It is not a good dog. But it has some dog characteristics – it has mass. It can be found outside. Humans may enjoy holding it.

You see every object in the cosmos is a shitty version of every other object. The rock is a shitty dog. That sunset is a shitty cheese platter. The air we breathe is a crappy version of a gerbil.

We are all an absolute garbage version of all other things. We are one, only we’re just terrible at it.

I’m not sure I’m ready to become a “shitty monist”.

Ah, but you see you are already a shitty version of one!

Shit.

Here, let me take you under my shitty wing.