What in god’s name?! And there’s a photo album?!

Whoa, calm down. All we can say is that the known facts are consistent with the interpretation that I have been secretly putting my balls on your houseplants for 20 years.

Yes, yes you can get value out of a philosophy degree.

What if you’re just a Boltzmann brain? What of my balls then?

Correlation doesn't imply causation! Induction is impossible! Hand me my briefs!