Paris! Say which of us is the most beautiful.

Come on, this is stupid.

Hera, you’re the angry wife goddess. Pass.

Athena, you exploded out of a dude’s head one time and you’re currently wielding a spear at me.

A little, yes.

And gee, over here it’s Aphrodite, goddess of hotness and doinking.

Pick me and you can rule Europe and Asia!

Pick me and I will give you wisdom!

Are these serious proposals? Are you even trying?

Pick me and I’ll wingwoman you the hottest girl in creation.

See? You see that? How is this even a myth?

You could’ve used the wisdom to get Sex.

Dammit!

Honestly, sometimes it feels like the myth-makers took the day off.